Pink is for Gays
by Miss Pessimistic
Summary: Remus always laughed a little too loud or too late; too oblivious to the fact that he was the one being laughed at. Sirius wants to do something. What if he helped, what if he came out like Remus did? Life was what happened when all the what-ifs didn't.
1. What Ifs

**Rating: **T for _lots_ of swearing; Some mild content I suppose.  
**Warning: **Male/Male - Sirius/Remus  
**Reason: **In honor to all the LGBTPQQ that have been committing suicide, and anyone who's going through those issues currently - wishing the best.  
**Disclaimer: **I'm not JKR, don't own this, or settings, or whatever, all the bull. Also, I have a few quotes in there from Nineteen Minutes, so if you've read it before - DON'T SUE ME - I gave credit.

**Summary: **Remus always laughed a little too loud or too late ; too oblivious to the fact that he was the one being laughed at. He's gay, and gay isn't tolerated at Hogwarts. He's bullied, harassed - he can only take so much. Sirius wants to do something, but he doesn't want the same happening to him. What if he helped? What if he came out like Remus did? Life was what happened when all the what-ifs didn't.

**A/N**: Oh yeah, it's an A/U, kind of. _Again_ Remus isn't a Marauder .. I'M SORRY ! ;_; I wanted to make him one desperately, but it just didn't work /:  
I promise anyone who stuck around to read this that this story will be epic and eventually finished. I want to make this one of the best ever to remember - You know, when you list some of your favorite stories, I hope I'm mentioned in there :3

Ps: Thanks to my wonderful beta **HPJellicleCat**

* * *

When you were different, you couldn't expect people to look at you the same way they looked at those who were normal.

You were a sinner - a sinner lost in a crowd of saints.

You never had someone cross the street because of your skin color. You've never had someone look at you with disgust because you're holding a baby, but you forgot to put on your wedding ring. You want to do something about it - take action, scream at them, tell them they're idiots - but you can't. Being on the fringe is the most disempowering feeling. You get so used to the world being a certain way, there seems to be no escape from it.

It's not like he _chose_ to be like this; to be a _monster_. Frankenstein wasn't just _born_. A once normal boy didn't turn into a serial killer, unless someone turned him into one. Lord Voldemort for example.

What about being gay? As if he _decided_ to find guys more attractive than girls. It's not like he was particularly excited. Curious, sure - did a beard scratch when you were making out? - and he wasn't repulsed by male on male, but he couldn't say with any great conviction, that that was what he wanted to try, too.

But it was enough to ruin his life. What if he never told them? What if he just acted like them?

_Acting - _his second-nature.

Before, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to 'act' - but that's what he would be doing: acting; anything else would have cracked the frame of '_what-if _'. He learned from the mistake. He adjusted to how he was supposed to be to everyone else - if only he knew that 3 years ago.

Life was what happened when all the what-if's didn't – when what you dreamed, hoped, or feared might come to pass - _passed_.

* * *

**Remus' POV**

Get in - get out. Make it to the Great Hall, eat, and scram.

Remus ran down the hallway, praying he didn't cross paths with any Slytherins. He could see the large oak doors … just a few feet away -

_Wham!_

Everything around him blurred, his vision faded slightly, but he heard the sniggering. He felt his head slam against the cold, stone floor beneath him.

"Looks like the homo doesn't know how to see," he heard a voice mock. A few laughs - _maybe there weren't as many as he was dreading?_

"I don't think he was paying attention ahead of him because he was watching guys' waists, where their groin is." Lots of sniggers this time.

A few seconds passed, and he had the slight hope that it was over, but then he felt a blow to his side, below a rib. Then another. Though his body was in the fetal position, his mind had counted – fourteen all together. It stung so badly and it would probably bruise later, unless he went to Madam Pomfrey, but he would have to explain what had happened - and he _really _didn't want to.

Instead, Remus sat upright the best he could and forced his eyes open, for they were stuck together by his tears from the blows.

_Normal. _The whole scene was normal. No teachers passed to ask and punish who did this; students didn't offer their hands to help him up. Everyone was filing to the Great Hall as if nothing had happened.

He got to his feet and his head swirled from the sudden movement. He had to decide - move 20 feet and enter the Great Hall like an abused rag doll, or walk back up to his dorm, his _sanctuary_ until the _others_ came, and skip out on dinner. He seriously considered the latter, but felt a deep feeling in his stomach, and concluded he needed the food...or to fix his side.

So, he decided to drift with the crowd into the Great Hall, and hope nothing bad would happen.

_If you were drifting with a thousand other people, could you really say you were lost?_


	2. Mind Conversations

**If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. -Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)**

**Chapter II: Mind Conversations**

* * *

Popular kids didn't have _friends_, they had _alliances_. You were safe as long as you were the only person you trusted. At any moment, someone might make a laughing stock out of you because then they knew no one was laughing at _them._

Ask a random kid today if they want to be popular. They'll tell you 'no' – even if the truth is that if they were stranded in the desert dying of thirst and had the choice between a glass of water and instant popularity, they'd probably choose the latter. See, you can't admit to wanting it because it would make you less cool. To be truly popular, it has to look like something you _are_, when in reality, it's something you _make_ yourself. I wonder if anyone works harder at anything than kids do at being popular, I mean, air-traffic controllers and even the president of the United States take vacations. But take a look at your average teenage-student and you'll see someone who's putting in twenty-four hours a day for the entire length of the school year. So how do you crack that inner-sanctum? Well here's the catch: it's not up to you. What's important is what everyone else thinks of how you dress, what you eat and what you read. I've always sort of wondered, though: if everyone else's opinion is what matters, then do you ever really have your own?

People literally did anything and everything to get out of _out_, and into _in_.

But _in_ only existed because someone had drawn a line in the sand, so that everyone else was _out_; and that line changed constantly. You might find yourself, through no fault of your own, suddenly standing on the wrong side.

* * *

**Sirius' P.O.V.**

He saw it all. He was a witness, a bystander. So _why_ did he feel so guilty; as if he'd committed the crime himself?

_Because you didn't do anything, _His mind forced at him.

_Exactly. I didn't do anything, so I shouldn't feel like I do, _he thought back.

_Maybe if you did something to help, you wouldn't feel this way._

"Shut up!" he yelled to no one in particular. People around him stared at his sudden outburst. Sirius shook his head, hoping to shake the recent event from his memory. He wasn't crazy.

He_ was_ hungry though, but he couldn't go into the Great Hall and see _him_ sit there and pick at his food. The guilt would only grow. He needed to get away from the boy so that he could reconsider his decisions.

The Common Room would be the best choice, he decided. Almost everyone would be eating dinner, or in the library studying for some assignment (O.W.L's were only 7 months away, and some liked to hit the books early).

Sirius took long strides down the halls, ignoring any "hey!"s from his peers, and "hey..."s from the giggling girls. He climbed the stairs quickly and the Fat Lady Portrait was already in view. People exiting the portrait hole gave him strange stares, curious as to why he was going into the Common Room instead of the other way around. He brushed the looks away and ran so he could enter before the painting could close itself.

He looked around and there were only 7 students in the room: three seventh years sitting by the fireplace with books piled around them, two third years, and two first years playing with some chocolate frog cards. All the chairs were occupied with the younger students, so he headed straight to his dorm. He pushed open the door - empty, finally. His head was pounding so loud, he could practically hear it in his ears. He needed to think, but thinking would most likely give him a larger migraine.

Sirius flopped onto the bed, landing on his belly. He groaned in relief – oh, the comfort beneath him. He inhaled deeply, expecting to smell his own, sweet hair, but instead taking in the scent of...strawberries? He forced his head up from the pillow and took a good look at his surroundings. Third bed from the door - Remus'. He groaned again, but in frustration.

You couldn't escape that boy, he always got you …

Since his mind was already on the 'Remus' topic, he figured he might as well re-think what happened.

So, he was coming out from Transfiguration with James and Peter. James spotted Evans, whipped out a comb, and strutted over to fail epically (once again), Peter followed for the comedy show, and he'd wandered off. He was heading towards the Great Hall for dinner, until he heard a large thud. He turned left down another hall to find what had happened. Then he saw a large group of Slytherins jeering at a boy on the floor. He watched as each of them kicked him in his side, and flipped him off, laughing away.

It's not like there was much he could do … they'd already tripped him, and only if he ran to get someone would he be able to help...but they might have been gone by then, right?

Okay, what if he had helped him up? Would people assume he was gay too? Would they think he'd committed treason, and was now on Remus' side? It's not like people acknowledged Remus was on the floor, would they notice if he just lent a hand? What if he went and talked to them afterwards? Would they attack him like they did Remus?

All the possibilities swam in his head - all the possibilities that didn't happen.

_Why are you so afraid? _A voice asked.

"Because what if they do to me as they did to him?" he answered back immediately.

_And you'd rather be what you're supposed to be than what you are?_

"Well, what other choice do I have?" he argued to himself.

_Come out - they won't treat you like Remus. You're a Black, you've still got a huge reputation, and you are the ultimate prank master along with James Potter._

"How does that affect my sexual orientation?"

_Well, obviously it won't matter compared to those other things. Remus is just a small, flamboyant, gay boy. He's **asking** to be punched. You, on the other hand, can definitely stand up for yourself - you're pretty intimidating. They'll try to mess with you, but you're the bigger man._

"Won't that just make it worse for Remus? They'll be upset they can't beat me up, so they'll make sure he gets both ends of the stick."

_Instead of worrying about how they'll hurt him, why don't you just solve that by defending him, too? If they won't attack you individually, why would they do it with both of you?_

Sirius nodded to himself, happy that he'd figured all that out. It was a great plan – too bad it was never going to be followed out. He glanced at the clock hanging above the door; 5:57pm. Dinner would be clearing up any minute, which means the others would be up soon.

He had a few assignments to complete before he could go to bed, but he was really comfortable on this bed. He had completely forgotten it wasn't even his. He flipped on to his left side, and let his eyelids fall shut.

I'm just resting my eyes until the others get up. And before they enter the room, I'll wake up and we'll work on the homework …

But Sirius never realized that 'resting his eyes' would take so long. He first let his mind remember where he was and what happened before he finally opened his eyes. He didn't see James or Peter at all - where were they? Did he only close his eyes for a few minutes even though it felt like an eternity? Sirius sat up and rubbed his eyes and then he finally saw that he wasn't alone. On the dresser by the door, sat Remus Lupin.

His large gold eyes looked nervous at the sight of Sirius in his bed. Sirius tore his eyes away from him and onto the clock north-west to him; 8:28. Surprise hit him like a slap. Did he really sleep for more than 2 and a half hours? Was this perhaps – just maybe – all a dream?

As his eyes darted back to the tawny haired boy across the room, their eyes locked, and an awkward silence slowly filled up the room like smoke from a fire. It's not as if anyone was there; he could have made small talk with him, couldn't he? It's not like they would remember the unimportant conversation, anyway.

"Where are James and Peter?" Sirius broke all eye contact, and pointed his attention to the sheets - though he could still feel Remus' eyes on him.

"They're both in the Common Room..." his small voice echoed off the walls.

"Oh." Sirius breathed. He wasn't sure what else to say. Was there anything else _to say_? Sirius stood up and walked towards the door...he couldn't think of anything else. When he was passing Remus, he cringed at their proximity and Sirius felt even more penitent. He walked through the doorway as he heard Remus slip down from the dresser. He took his first step down the stairs when he heard a gasp from behind him.

Sirius bit his lip, cogitating whether he should just keep walking and pretend he didn't hear anything. He took two more steps, but he didn't think he could get all the way down. Because he _did_ hear him - he could **still** hear him. It took all he had to make it down the rest of those stairs and into the common room. James and Peter were indeed, there, playing Exploding Snap.[1] They motioned for him to come over when they saw him.

"Whoa, what's up with you? You look terrible." Peter laughed at James' comment. Sirius took a shaky breath and forced a smile.

He sat besides James as they matched the pairs of cards and they randomly exploded in front of their faces. They all laughed together. The room was so loud that Sirius almost forgot what he'd heard upstairs. That is, almost.

_Pathetic boy…, _his mind said, and he wasn't sure if that statement was for Remus, or for himself.

* * *

[1]: Exploding Snap is a wizarding card game in which the cards spontaneously explode during games. The game is popular with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry students. In 1992, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were held back from investigating why spiders were fleeing Hogwarts because the twins Fred and George Weasley delayed them with such a game. In 1994, Ron singed his eyebrows while building a card house with Exploding Snap cards.

**Versions  
**There are 2 variants of Exploding Snap. The first one, the "Classical" Game, is quite simple, however it requires some reflex. The rules are simple: when you see two identical pictures, hit the card with the top of your wand – one point is yours. The player with the most points wins the game. The hard part is, the cards shuffle faster and faster. The second one, the "Patience" Game, is a bit harder. You have 20 cards and you reveal them in pairs. You have to find two identical pictures. Cards explode soon after you reveal them for the first time (of course, if you don't find a pair before).

Compliment the wonderful spelling and .. everything making sense - to** HPJellicleCat **, me wonderfulz betuhh.


	3. Superheroes

**Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. - Benjamin Franklin**

**Chapter III: Superheroes**

* * *

Superheroes.

What is it about them that fascinates our culture? Perhaps we are disillusioned by the discovery that real heroic people aren't perfect. Maybe we're all wearing out by pop culture's tendency to build a person up so we can collectively tear them apart. If superhero films are escapes to a place we wish was true, then our life has needed a lot of escapism over the past few years. I have a fair amount of knowledge of superheroes due to my Muggle mom, wanting her son to have the most normal childhood any young boy would, including knowing all the superheroes.

Back on the topic though; superheroes, everyone likes them. They save the innocent lives, give justice to their society, keep them from the next meteor shower - the whole lot. But most importantly, people like them because they're just different in general.

So why is it that I, with all my glorious differences, feel like the bad guy? And everyone else gets to be the superhero? Just another injustice to add to my collection.

All I want is to explain myself – explain myself _to myself_, because honestly, I don't even know what I'm meant to be using as my defense. I don't want to be the villain that is hated before being known, that is booed by the citizens _because of the superheroes_. I don't want to be the person nobody likes (unless, of course, the fans have the same twisted mind as the actual villains). I don't belong in this category, though. It isn't fair that I am judged before even getting to choose which side to be on; it isn't fair that I'm actually good, but no one will lend me an ear – none of it is fair, really. In fact, life is not fair.

Why do I feel so wrong? Why is it that every time I do something, it's like a villain failing to carry out his master plan? Why is it so hard for a werewolf to be accepted into modern society? All I want, desire, wish, pray - is to have the chance to be the superhero, just once. Damn superheroes.

* * *

**Remus' POV**

That might've been the most awkward moment of his life. Alright, not the most, but it was definitely one of his recent ones. No one could ever top the one in 2nd year. However, coming to see Sirius Black sleeping in _his_ bed, having Sirius Black wake up to no one but _him_ in the room, & having probably the most _pointless_ conversation yet - yeah, I think it deserves to be up there.

Remus Lupin laid in his bed staring at its canopy. He had woke up to trouble breathing. _Dare he move? _He could just wait until the others went down for breakfast first - then again, it was Saturday, and they might just sleep until noon instead. Whether this was a good or bad thing, he didn't ponder much more on it, for he decided at that moment to swing his legs over the bed. Was it just him, or was it getting excruciatingly hard to breathe?

He got up and checked the other 3 boys in the room. Ah, so they weren't awake, good. Before getting ready for his day, he looked at his sleeping roommates again. They looked so peaceful, but looks were deceiving. Beneath all of their looks and smiles, were hearts of stones, apathetic attitudes, and homophobic feelings.

Remus got dressed quickly, not really looking good for anyone - what's the point? He took nothing with him as he left his sleeping peers to the Hospital Wing. He had to check his side, it was injured really bad, and the wound got worse when he slipped down from the dresser. He had landed roughly, and no one came to his aid as the tears he shed when it happened came down again.

He gave a soft knock on the door and waited until Madam Pomfrey came.

"What can possibly be the matter this early, Mr. Lupin?" she asked as she let him inside. He sat on one of the made-beds and just showed her his bruised side. She frowned at him, but immediately went to work. She examined it, softly adding pressure around the area until he suddenly inhaled sharply.

"It seems that you might have a fractured bone, Mr. Lupin. It might've been affecting your lungs to breathe, but no problem." She muttered _Emando[1]_ and she asked him if that was better. Remus took a few breaths and smiled, "Yeah, yeah it is, ma'am. Thanks."

Madam Pomfrey gave a nod, "So, care to tell me how this happened?"

"Er, can I not?" he asked unsure.

"Well, I have to fill out some paperwork, and if it's something serious, I have to be a mandatory reporter, so yes, you have to."

"I fell down the stairs," he said a bit too fast.

"Right. Well, Mr. Lupin, I'm disappointed that you're not being honest with me, but I'll see if the headmaster is busy." He wasn't even going to try to argue, it would probably make things worse. He allowed her to take him to the ugly stone gargoyle, mutter the stupid password, and left him to stand on the staircase spiraling upward. Soon, he came face to face with a griffin knocker on the wood door. He reached for it when he heard Dumbledore's voice.

"Come in." Although it crept him out that he didn't give any sort of notice he was there, he opened the door anyway.

Professor Dumbledore [2] was sitting behind his desk, with the pensieve covering it.

"Please ignore the 'elephant in the room' Mr. Lupin, I was just trying to clear my mind for the day. Being an old man like me, too many memories gives you a headache, you know?" the Headmaster said offhandedly. Remus nodded in agreement.

"So, what seems to be the matter?"

Remus looked away from the soft gaze of the Headmaster when he answered, "Er, Madam Pomfrey sent me here, sir."

"And what might that have been for?" Remus contemplated whether to answer truthfully or not, when Dumbledore interrupted his thoughts.

"Mr. Lupin, look at me," and so he did, "I'm not forcing you to tell me anything, but as your headmaster, I was under the impression you trusted me enough to tell me what's going on."

Remus took a shaky breath, "I'm being bullied, sir." Dumbledore's brow furrowed and he frowned at the statement.

"Who's bullying you?" Remus didn't answer. "Remus," _on a first name basis now?_, "Hogwarts is a safe home for everyone, and I don't tolerate any of my students to feel unsafe, unwelcome, or uncomfortable here. It won't improve if we don't do something, and we can't do something unless you tell me who." Remus decided that the headmaster was right, as always, and to just come clean.

"It's just … Everyone, sir. More specifically, the Slytherins. I feel so alone. I've feel like I've gained so much, and I finally had it all, that this was what life was about, _friends_ - and I lost it all. I lost my reputation, I lost my friends, I lost my social life in general, I lost everything I had and wanted for years so _fast._ And it's like for that, it made everything worse. Maybe if I still had my friends, it wouldn't be like this, they would stick up for me, they would prevent it - but they're all gone. Just because of my stupid mistake."

"Mr. Lupin, please elaborate this more. What are you being bullied for? How and why did you lose your friends?"

"I'm gay. I'm the only homosexual in Hogwarts - that's out, at least - and apparently that's wrong. I-I should've never told anyone. I never _did_ tell anyone! It just - I don't even know exactly how it happened, it just ..." he trailed off in frustration.

"I shall tell only you this and trust that you won't tell anyone else," Dumbledore paused to give him a pointed look from behind his glasses, "but I feel that it's necessary, and it might even make you feel better. I, too, am gay." Remus wasn't even sure if he breathed for a few seconds as his eyes widened in surprise.

"Can you tell me more about the situation, on how your friends reacted and such?" Dumbledore continued to question what happened, but Remus couldn't really focus on what he was saying.

_So he knew the Headmaster's secret, and he knew his. But if two people share the same secret, is it really a secret anymore?_

* * *

[1] _Emando_ is the incantation to heal _arm_ bones, not ribs - but I don't think there were any spells to heal any bones that was mentioned in the book, so let's just pretend that worked.

[2] I really dislike it when people describe Dumbledore all the same like "His eyes twinkled mischievously behind his thick spectacles, as he stroked his beard thoughtfully" - like WHOA, as if that isn't being cliché almost as much of making a Mary-Sue. I know, this Dumbledore seems really out of character, but I can't write him like JKR does, who can? But he's like _really _OOC, being all nosy and shit. Well, sorry, deal w/it please?

**PS - This chapter wasn't Beta'd yet by HPJellicleCat.**

**ALSO - REVIEW THIS STORY, TOO! *Hearts***


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